Hello Everyone! Welcome to March. It has to begin warming up, right? LOL
I hope your February was packed with warmth, excitement and if you’re following the Facebook Group TheHappinessExperiment, I know your experiencing more happiness in your everyday walk. Please let me say, I am honored to be a part of your journey into bringing more joy into your life! This month is dedicated to “Forgiveness.” I’ve found that, to the degree I’m hanging onto resentments, hurts, anger (or the likes), the less I’m able to feel joy in my life. I’m sure you’ve heard the clichés, a resentment is jailing the person holding it. Or having a resentment is similar to drinking poison Ultimately, whoever the resentment is against receives none of the impact from being resented and the person holding the resentment carries all the burdens.
I have a theory that I want to share with you. And since this is my column, I’m going to go ahead and do so. Lol!
What if you found out that in reality there is really no such thing as a resentment. What if you discovered that we create our resentments by manufacturing and distorting facts into our truths, in order to justify placing judgement on someone or something, because we don’t like what we perceive as an outcome to a situation, circumstance or condition? Another words, what if we have such a strong need to be the victim in our life that we create views where we’ve been wronged, solely for the purpose of making judgement out of the situations we face? A bit much? Maybe. In my book Lifes-lessons, once I arrived at the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired of living my life from one upset to the next, I came to a point where I quit placing judgement on ALL experiences I was finding myself in.
I went about life with a non judgmental mindset of;
There’s no right/wrong
There’s no good/bad
There’s no Fair/Unfair
And if that’s the case, the next sensible question for me was, “then why the hell is this happening in my life?”
Only after struggling with that question for quite some time with a beat-my-head-against-the-wall-too-many-times kind of attitude, was I willing! And when I became willing, WHAMO!! All of a sudden my eyes opened to make sense of things in a whole different light. Then I able to reformulate that question above into “If I am going to decide that life happens FOR me and not TO me, then why is this happening in my life?” Out of that my friends, came probably the most awesome growth I’ve experienced in my life. See, once I ADJUSTED MY VIEW, it became apparent to me that the events happening in my life were there to teach me. To assist me in growing spiritually as well as humanly. And the reason things throughout my life felt like the same thing over and over and over again was because that is exactly what was happening. Similar events were happening again and again, because I hadn’t learned the lesson yet. The lesson kept showing up because I hadn’t learned what I was intended to learn. Once you learn your lesson, you will quit experiencing similar types of events. But only AFTER you learned the lesson. Something I never considered while living the victim mode.
Some can say malarkey to this way of thinking. And that’s OK. I’m not here to debate. I know firsthand in my life and the lives of many of my clients that shifting thinking in this way has assisted in breaking lifelong patterns in areas of life like people pleasing, lacking self-confidence, always second questioning decisions. Even things like, who we allow in the front row of our life and learning how to be compromising with boundaries. I’ve gone through some very tough and costly lessons in order to have this information to share with you and I’m assuming if your over the age of 20, you too, have some costly lessons in your life. I’ve found that this understanding of resentments is much less costly and less time consuming.
On a recent trip to MI, driving up I-75, a reckless driver almost ran me off the road and I had to laugh. After hitting my horn for an extended period of time (don’t judge me…lol) my first thought was, “Nope, you sorry case of a driver aren’t going to take me off my mark. I’ve got no lesson to learn in this one.” I still chuckling when I think about it.
This is a really easy situation to explain the point, but I have much deeper lessons, such as a yearlong divorce, that caused me to close out my 401k to pay off a house in a down market, and pay out over three grand every month for three years. There are all kinds of other details that anyone would agree I was the victim in the situation. However, utilizing the mindset I described above, all that was necessary. Each and every heart curling event was necessary for me to learn not to live as a people pleaser. To stop living life as a chameleon, always trying to figure out what someone else wanted me to be and trying to be that person. It was so exhausting for so many years in my life and if you connect with this, you already know it shows up in ALL areas of life. Not just love relationships. I still remember the day, sitting in my front room with my God Father, Blair and telling him excitedly, “there is only one me! Whether I’m at work, with a girl, my son, friends, I’m the same person in all areas of my life!”
On the Facebook group TheHappinessExperiment this month, we are going to experiment in not changing the people around us, nor changing our environments (pending we are overall safe). But instead, changing our perceptions on how we are viewing our experiences. To understand the lessons built into our experiences instead of reacting out of the events we come up against. I’m really excited to be a part of all the growth-into-happiness that takes place this month and if you’re not in the group… What the heck are you waiting for? lol
It’s easy peasy to join us. Open up Facebook and search for TheHappinessExperiment under groups and click on join. Or, just click on the link and it will take you to the page. It’s no cost to join The Happiness Experiment, right now but after June 2019, there will be a cost to go through the program. And I can tell you firsthand how costly it is to do nothing.
Thanks for all the awesome comments, keep them coming and look for one of my events in a town near you at Joseph A. Drolshagen and if based on your following my column, I would love to compliment you a ($250 valued) 60 minute phone, laser focused Strategy Session at no cost. Just reach out to IFGTcoaching@gmail.com and let me know you’re interested! You can also reach me at IFGTcoach.com.
Have a blessed month and live in your Passion! Always!